-_-

I have not had much to say lately.  Or maybe I have but I just have not known how to say it.  I think my first therapy appointment did more harm than good.  I find myself sleeping less, stressing more, and not handling situations in a calm demeanor.  I am a whole lot more snappy and I feel like I am falling apart at the seams.  I kept everything to myself for so long and now that I opened that black hole, it seems like everything else has starting spiraling out of control.  My whole entire life is in a complete upheavel.  And I am losing a grasp on everything that has taken me so long to get a hold of.  -_-  I definitely do not like feeling like I am not in control of things. 

I dont want to lose who I am.  I have worked so hard to become the person I am, and let me tell you it was a uphill battle.  The person I was 4 years ago, 10 years ago, is not even a miniscule glimpse of the person I have become.  And I am proud of who I have become. But the last few weeks I feel like I am losing it all.  Maybe I am losing my mind, maybe the stress of everyday life has gotten to me.  How do you tell the difference? 

Ugh even right now I am having a hard time trying to just get my thoughts in order.  I feel like I have so much that I need to get off my chest but I just cant put my thumb on it.  Just trying to figure everything out is making my anxiety go haywire and my chest feel like it weighs a 100 pounds. 

Normally when I am done writing I feel a little better, unfortunately tonight it has done nothing but frustrate me.  Oh well tomorrow is a new day.